Happy New Year … an explanation … and an apology !

[16k]

Hi my dear friends,

 

First of all, I want to express my most sincere wishes and a Happy New Year to you all and your families.

I know this should be in another section so Brian, please feel free to move it if you feel like it, but I posted it here because some members have contacted me and I want to reach most of them. Not sure they all go to the Izakaya.

Then I guess I owe you guys an explanation and an apology for my silence those past few months. I’ve wanted to do that for quite some time but it isn’t always easy to expose your issues in front of everyone, and I know some of you may find those issues triffle or first world problems.

 

Anyway, here’s what has happened to me since my absence.

First of all, let me tell you that I’m an animal lover… maybe a little too much ! For years, I have been doing the job of a shelter for distressed cats without help or financing. At some point, I had more than 30 cats. Costly and tiring. That’s roughly three hours of work in addition to my full time job everyday. Those animals I recover are usually starving, some of them sick, all of them scared by very difficult beginnings. I’m used to have animals that don’t live long because of that. I loose some every year. Everytime, its a tragedy for me but I’ve developped some endurance to it.
 

This year was special.

 

I lost ten of them in a row over the space of two months. Causes of death were different but I think that the last straw was probably the last one who was litteraly and voluntarily crushed to pulp by a car and the driver purposefully drove over him with both wheels. I know it as I saw it happen.

I guess it taxed me a lot and I entered some kind of a breakdown. I was starting to recover, in September, when the secong blow came.

 

Now, here’s the second part of my life. Ten years ago, my elderly mother suffered a stroke that left her with paralysis on her left side. My father had a hard life working in construction and carrying loads so his back is ruined and he has to use a walker. Being an only child, I took them both in and care for them. Not a light job either, but one I feel I have a duty to accomplish.

So, come September, my father has to be hospitalized because he had fallen in the middle of the night. His blood count was well below normal. Diagnosis : Mielodisplastic syndrome. To sum up, a bone marrow cancer that will turn into fatal leukemla in generally something like two years. That was the fatal and final blow to me.

Now it’s been three months since that diagnosis and I am starting to digest it and recover. My father is responding to treatment and so far, he is neither better nor worse.

 

There you have it !

 

All tis has made me depressed and apathetic, with no real interest for anything and some sort of self pitying.

So I am sorry and apologize to all those who’ve contacted me and to whom I haven’t replied, I will reply to each and everyone of you. Please just give me some time as things have accumulated and I have some catching up to do.

Know that I am feeling better and will do my best to stay around.

Best wishes to you all,

 

JP

[Bazza]

My Dear JP,

 

I'm sure many of our fellows here know your life situation only too well and feel for you in your travail.  It is good you have 'opened up' for that in itself is a part-healing process.  The good members of this Board will support you in your troubled times, no apology necessary.  For myself I am glad to see you back amongst this fine fellowship and sincerely hope that you will, indeed, 'stay around'.  The best people I know in my life are my fellow collectors and so I have always realised that collecting is so much more than merely acquiring 'things', as beautiful as they are.  The people are the great joy.  Welcome home and come often.

 

Best regards,

BaZZa.

aka Barry Thomas

(Melbourne, Australia)

[mas4t0]

Hello JP,

 

It's great to see you here again.

 

There are some truly vile people out there and then there are some people like you who shoulder a great burden and, at great personal cost, work tirelessly to redress the balance.

 

I had a French teacher many years ago who had emigrated to England after her third cat in a year had been killed by someone leaving out bait for it containing crushed glass.

 

Please edit to remove any and all apologies. You've done nothing wrong and should take great pride in what you're doing. To apologise is to deny your own honour, virtue and agency. You didn't delay response because you were being inconsiderate; you delayed response because you didn't want to transfer any portion of your suffering to your friends.

 

You are not acting in bad faith (mauvaise foi as Sartre would say), you are not a victim, you are not playing a role, refusing to make a choice or denying your own freedom.

 

Quite the contrary; you made your choice; you chose to do your duty, and accept the pain that comes along with it, rather than seeking your own pleasure. You're not a victim, you're a hero.

 

Kant argued that all morality must stem from duties: and that consequences such as pain or pleasure are irrelevant. You're living by the Kantian ideal. 

 

I went quite abstract there, I don't know how else to respond.

[Brian]

JP,
Nothing to apologize for. I feel your pain. There isn't much I can say to make things better. So instead I can just tell you that you are free to vent here anytime, and I can guarantee an audience that will listen and support you. I feel more for animals than people, so I know how you feel. You are helping both humans and animals, and that takes a lot out of a person.
Just continue what you are doing, take time when you need it, and take heart in the fact that I am sure ALL those cats are/were MUCH better off with you in their lives. Let us know if you need any sort of support when it comes to that, I am sure some of us would be glad to help.
I do think this should be in the Izakaya, and will move it there a bit later. Stay strong, you are making a difference

[paulb]

Dear JP 

I cannot add much to what has already been so eloquently expressed. You have been greatly missed and I think this is a very positive first step in recovering from what has been a very difficult period for you. All your friends here are ,I am sure, wishing you well and would be keen to help in any way they can  even if that is just offering an ear to listen 

[Utopianarian]

My prayers are with you and family. I can relate to loss but still have a hard time understanding and acceptance of loss. My teenage son committed suicide 3 years ago. I have 5 children and on 2nd marriage. One thing I have learned is life is not fair nor rational. Find purpose, have faith, keep moving. Focus on something you love Nihonto ☺️

[Bruce Pennington]

JP!!!  Glad to hear from you again!  Can't say more than the guys have already said.  Love your caring heart and feel for you as you mourn and heal.  After losing my best friend, then parents, then a brother, I realized that loving greatly comes at a great cost when we lose those we love.  But what are we to do, right?  Loving greatly is worth the price.  I am surprised at how great a blow a person can take and still recover.

 

I can tell you (I'm sure you already know) many of us here are blessed by your company and are very glad to see you back.  Thanks for sharing your story.  I agree that telling it helps in healing.  And honestly, a daily visit to NMB can be a refreshing break from one's burdens (it is for me!).

[Gakusee]

JP, you are one of the “good guys”. In life, sometimes we are bashed and battered, but still overall I am a believer in the great balance of life overall. Good karma and energy will come your way and our wishes are with you for swift recovery from the setbacks. 
 

As an aside, just before Christmas, I went to a house party hosted by a couple who also sheltered cats. They had 65, including the 4 newborn in a litter who appeared the day before. I hope your lot will also give you joy and you find joy and peace in this community and life. 
 

Stay the strong support to your family and community that you are. 

[b.hennick]

It is difficult to add more to what had been written in thoughtful replies. I wish you well, I missed your contributions. Your journey is a tough one. There is no need to appologise for travelling along that difficult road. Our thoughts and wishes are with you.

[Mark S.]

JP,

Sometimes it is easier for us to offer grace, peace, and kindness to others as opposed to giving it to ourselves.  We carry things around… our burdens, and the burdens of others.  We are not good at asking others to help with our burdens though.  Please know that this group is here for you and I am sure there are others. As your burdens lighten, come back as you can… there are open arms waiting for you.

[Stephen]

Your a honorable man JP, i wish you my best to find some Peace in your life.

[John A Stuart]

If we could all share a little piece of your heartache be sure we would brighten your life. I am impressed by your spirit, something I am often by some board members time after time and by the compassion shown. Bravo Jean Pierre and people. John

[Jean]

As says Stephen, JP, this to shall pass, time will soothen wounds, we have all suffered from «slings and arrows of outrageous fortune » but have overcome them. Take time for crying, it helps and come back to us any time you need help.

[Toryu2020]

Taking care of your parents can be the toughest job in the world and don't get me started on Cats! Just know you have a family here and we're happy to do what little we can for you...

-t

[Fuuten]

Trying to send you some energy mate.. what a topic 😔 you don't have apologize for one bit though.

[Katsujinken]

Sending all my good thoughts your way, JP! No apologies necessary. Be well.

[Michaelr]

JP, sorry to hear/ read your story.  NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE. This is a great place with many friends and many friends that have gone through similar situations or still are. If you ever need someone to speak with on the side feel free to PM me Anytime. I am just another guy but have found, in my short time here, that I have many friends here who give their time unlimitly when ever needed. Hope things turn around for you and you start to move forward. I think this is a good start.
   MikeR

[paul griff]

Hello JP,

              Best Regards to you ,your family and pets....keep going ,seldom are things easy that are worthwhile but you will get there...

kind Regards,

                       Paul....

[Alex A]

All the best Jp for a better year!

[Infinite_Wisdumb]

Sending good vibes and thoughts JP.  The universe will never forget your kindness to those that cant thank you themselves.

[Winchester]

Very sorry to hear this, praying for you and your family for comfort and peace during this time. Brian

[Stephen]

Priorities brother your mental well-being your parents health and get rid of some of the cats sorry it's cruel the fact of life brother.

 

[waljamada]

I thank you for sharing.  Those who take on some of the pains and ills of the world carry a heavy burden.  When one opens thier heart and purposefully acknowledge what is within those ills walk the precipices of it being too much to bear.  The most courageous walk that line, see the edge and, because it's truly there, take some of it onto themselves spurring action. 

 

I also thank you for having such a heart that spurred into action.  That feeling of fighting a cruel tide and the ills pushing back in an unjust world can be physically/existentially defeating and lonely: but you are not alone.  A loving empathetic heart is one of the most beautiful and truly noble things in the world; but they hurt the most.   Again, just thank you.

[16k]

Hi again guys,

 

I'm not there as much as I would want to, but  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

 

Thank you for the kind words and such warm comments. To be honest, i think i even shed a few tears reading your posts. It really feels good to know and be friends with guys like you. We are a community and more, a family! I can't express how much reading you was comforting, so again, thank you deeply.

 

I still haven't replied all the messages of support I have received and i apologize again for that, but rest assured I will. Last two weeks have been busy at work with the Covid situation and we keep having meetings on how to best manage the situation.

 

Thank you again, I love you guys!

 

JP

[vajo]

The good thing is, you are back 🖖

😀

[b.hennick]

The door is wide open. Welcome back.